INJURY UPDATE/MAN OF THE MATCH FOR FEB

Mark called the website injury hotline to inform me that there were no tears on his pillow in the morning but blood. The Saints physio checked it out and gave him the all clear, though his achilles will keep him out for a couple of weeks. Apparently Geoff came off worse with a black eye and a puffed up cheek. I wonder if that was his punishment for being late!

Well done to February winners who were:

6.2.07 - Jamie
13.2.07 - Mark the goal machine
20.2.07 - Tom
27.2.07 - Mark GM

FLEMMING HELL FOR ABS AND COLOURS

Match report: 27.2.07

Colours: Stewart, Mark Abs (left injured), Jamie, Jimmer, Tony, John, Paul B, Shane, Geoff, Scott

Yellows: Rob, TJ, James, Mark, Badger, Rupert, Ash, Al, Steve, Rich

Score: Colours 1-8 Yellows

What a strange old night. There were the late turn ups, several fouls, various team changes a bad injury a one sided game and an angry Tom, which all led to an interesting evening of football.

You could say the game was a tale of 3 Mark's. Mark Abs had to leave early following a nasty clash of heads with Geoff, which left him with a gashed head. Afterwards Mark said of the injury 'At the end of the day it took away the pain of my achilles.' As for the other Mark's they created havoc scoring 3 goals each with the Colours never coming to terms with their pace and movement.

The Colours raced into a 3 goal lead, with Mark scoring 2 and setting up Badge for the other. Then the game became a bit disjointed, with late turn ups the injury and several team changes. Poor young Ash changed teams more times Nigel Quashie. For a while the Colours had the lion's share of the possession, but could not make it count other than a Stewart drive which flew into the net. The last 15 minutes saw the Yellows dominate and rout the sorry Colours. Rupert (in goal for the Yellows all game due to injury) was able to nip to the local pub have swift half and return without conceding a goal, now that's magic.

Though even more magical was Steve leaping like a young tiger and heading in Mark's cross. This was for you Steve I know you wanted the goal mentioned, just make sure you read the bloody report.

At the end Tom was disgruntled about suffering the HEAVIEST defeat of the season and then shouted loudly about anyone being more than 10 minutes late can turn around a go home (unless numbers are low, though this is my opinion and may not represent the view held by Tom or his legal team).

Man of the Match: A good month for Mark as he wins his second MoM award. 3 goals 3 assists and described by Stewart as an animal. Badge was unfortuante as he also chipped in with 3 goals.

CHINESE HEAVEN

Well a good time was had by all on the Chinese night with a lot of Tiger beers sunk and lots of food eaten, in fact I din't think the food would stop coming out.

A worry theme emerged last night (which saddens me to report this). It appears that a lot of the players are unhappy about certain MoM selections. John and Al were particularly vocal and feel that I am basis towards the winners. They think the people getting voted are: friends, creep up vote, or whingers. I stated my case, supported by Heath, saying that all winners so far deserved their award, but the ugly sisters were not having any of it. Well at least they know they won't be awarded one.

We did find out that John is a man of many talents. We were all surprised that he is a drum maestro and had his own drummer business card, very impressive. I then recorded John playing the drums using chopsticks, glasses and plates, very good Mr. Martin, the rock world calls you.

The other funny event was Badger deciding to shake hands with Paul B (and forgetting his broken finger) which meant that Badger spent the next 10 minutes cursing and complaining about his little finger. Quite funny for the onlookers though.

RETURNING WHITCHER FAILS TO INSPIRE COLOURS

Match Report 20.2.07

Yellows: Tom, Rupert, Felix, Rich, Al, Scott, Paul B, Mark
Colours: Steve, Rob, Jim, Shane, Ash, Steve W, James, Tony, TJ

Score: Yellows 4-2 Colours

So Steve W makes his long awaited come back and he said after the game he was just relieved to be back after being on the Physio's couch for a very long time. However his twinkle toes could not inspire his team to a win.

The Colours did start well when Rob powered through to slot past a sluggish Al in goal. From then on the Yellows took over scoring 3 quick goals to leave the Colours, without a recognised striker, struggling for ideas on how to breakdown a stubborn defence. Team captain Steve was actually seen pulling the last strands of his hair out, oh well at least when his hair goes he can start on his beard. They did manage to score a late consolation, but by then the Yellows had added to their tally making the final score 4-2.

Al did roll back the years with a show boating special. He managed to let the ball drop over his head and back heeled back over his head again to a team mates feet. Pure quality Al, pure quality.

Man of the Match: This was a scrappy affair with not too many putting their hands up for the MoM award this week. TJ played well for Colours, but this weeks winner was Tom, who had a good game for the Yellows in midfield and defence and always kept his team moving forward.

HAIL TO THE 'UGLY BOYS'

The 'ugly boys' or the unsung heros rarely get a mention so this article is dedicated to them.

You may ask what do you mean by 'ugly boys?' Not a great compliment you may think, but not ugly as in they are visually unrewarding, but ugly as in they do all the ugly work in a game and get little credit for it.

Felix and Paul B spring to mind when I talk about these type of players. Up and down, consistent, 100 per centres, never let you down, you get the general idea. These lads are no fancy Dans, they don't care if their cycling shorts don't match their shorts, or their hair is right before playing. You won't see either of them doing the little back heels or overhead kicks, they just play. You can imagine both of them being completly disgruntled when Ronaldo, Drogba and co fall over in the wind trying to con the ref.

These are the guys you want in the front line in a war. They would be volunteering to be the first to go over the top and though they may be gunned down in 2 seconds you can not fault the committment. That's what they are COMMITTED, we should all learn from this.

I can't talk about Paul, but he probably had a similar childhood to Felix. Eating raw steak and cod liver oil by the age of two. As kids I would enjoy a soak with my MATEY bubble bath (you know the one the bottle that resembled a sailor) while Felix would demand an ice bath and sleep outside with a plastic sheet. Don't worry folks social services were not worried, they knew this lad was made of sterner stuff (please note that though this may have been acceptable in the 70's, I would not recommend any parent giving their child an ice cold bath or letting them sleep outside).

Felix grew up on the rugby playing fields and actually decided to rugby tackle a tree one day (when intoxicated with a few sherberts) dislocating his shoulder. This background has led him to the player he is today on a Tuesday night. I am sure Paul is reading this now thinking this is very similar to my life story (minus the rugby they would not let him play in tracksuit bottoms).

On behalf of the Tuesday lads Hail to you both we are not worthy etc.

YELLOWS FADE IN THE RAIN

Match Report: 13.2.07

Colours: Steve, Felix, Rupert, Rob, Mark, Shane, Scott, Geoff
Yellows: Tom, Mark Abs, Heath, Ash, Tony, John, Paul B, Rich

Score: Colours 6 5 Yellows

It's a funny old game as someone famously said and this one certainly was that for the following reasons:

• Felix turns up 10 minutes late and Geoff 20 forcing the normally quiet mouse Tom into a rant about turning up on time. Let that be lesson to you both, the next culprit will face the stocks. Sorry the stocks was a target audience joke for John, Steve, Paul and Tom.
• Geoff scoring a goal (not an own goal) for the Yellows but finishing on the Colours team.
• Ash injuring himself by jumping over the fence.
• Steve deciding to use his feet in goal rather than his HANDS.
• Scott scoring a goal with his head and left foot.

Anyway apart from these odd events it was a game that the Yellows seemed to have in the bag, rather like last week, but they let it slip again. The Yellows quickly came back from 2 goals down (scored by goal machine Mark) to draw level through the impressive Tony and another from Rich. When Geoff turned up he started on the Yellows team and the score quickly rattled up to 4-2. Tom made a quick decision to switch Geoff with Ash, as it appeared the score would be of cricket proportions.

After this the game became a close affair, though the balance seemed to tip slightly when the Yellows lost Mark Abs, their influencial veteran midfield play maker, to an achilles injury which has dogged, the once Cruise lookalike, for many years. In saying that he made some good saves, but eventually could not keep the Colours at bay, conceding a couple of late goals.

Man of the Match: Despite good games from Tom and Tony the MoM this week goes to goal machine Mark (despite gifting the opposition a goal) for scoring 3 goals, having a big hand in the other 3 and just being a constant thorn in the side of the Yellows.

OUTCLASSED COLOURS HANG ON FOR DRAW

Match report 6.2.07

Yellows:Tom, Mark Abs, Jamie, Al, Paul B, Rich, Heath, Tony (2nd half)
Colours: Steve, Geoff, Rob, Rupert, Scott, Mark, John, Tony (1st half)

Score Yellows 3-3 Colours

For most of this game the colours seemed to be chasing shadows, with the yellows having a superior passing game. Even with a man short the game was very evenly poised. In saying that the colours took a 1 nil lead and then a 2-1 lead. The equaliser from the yellows summed up their quality, with Mark passing a 40 yarder to the outstanding Jamie, who held off Rupert and beat John (in goal) to the ball.

Tony swapped over and immediately the yellows were all over the colours like a bad rash, just like the one I had around my....sorry back to the game. The yellows went 3-2 up in no time with one quality team goal wrapped up by Rich being the pick. It seemed like the floodgates would open, but the yellows became complacent and tried to score 20 yard curlers instead of just rolling it in. On top of this the goal lead a charmed life with Scott scrambling around in goal like an AA man looking for a spark plug in his van (sorry that was a sh** analogy). At the other end there was always an outside chance the colours could score with a breakout and so it was the case with Mark rattling one in and then they hung on for the draw.

One point that Mark Abs wanted raising in the match report was the fact that Tom (although when he fell over earlier in the game looked like a badly oiled robot getting up) outpaced me when I knocked the ball past him despite being 20 years younger taking the ball off me with ease. The reasons for this were:

• I had a long day
• I was wearing tracksuit bottoms
• I felt sorry for him
• I did not stretch properly before starting
• My mum was working nights
• I forgot my swimming trunks

Let that be the end of this conversation.

Man of th Match: Well done JAMIE for the first one to pick up a second award. Outstanding in attack and defence, rarely allowing Mark time and space, plus he was a pain in the arse to the coloursa all game.

CHIPPY UPDATE/WHO'S THE DADDY?

Congratulations to Jim who became a proud father of a baby boy (Jack) over the weekend. Hopefully that won't be the end of Jim on a Tuesday! When Jack is ready to play no doubt the evergreen Paul B will still be turning up in his track suit bottoms.

Just to let you all know I listened in on an interesting conversation between Mark Abs, Heath and Chippy the other day.

Mark: 'When are you returning to football?'
Chip: 'I'm not'
Mark: 'Why?'
Chip: 'I have an ongoing injury, which won't go away.'
Heath: 'Have you actually tested it lately?'
Chip: 'Well (here comes the detail) when I went to the zoo the other day they had a sprint time trial challenge. When I sprinted I felt my hip and groin twinge and I knew it was not right. I have had it looked at by a Swedish lady, but the twinges have continued. I don't want to keep going to Derby Road and shelling out loads of money.'
Mark: 'Tuesday night is great but it is like a puzzle that is missing one piece and you are that missing piece.'
Chip: 'Sorry. Is Badger still playing?'
Mark: 'Yeah but he is injured and limps around, you could do the same. Walk around, or go in goal.'
Chip: 'I'm sh** in goal.'
Mark:'So are a lot of people, come on you know you want to come back.'
Chip: 'Sorry I think I will stick to my slippers and warm coco.'

Never mind we tried.

JANUARY MAN OF THE MATCH

Just to keep you updated, well done to the following award winners:
2.1.07 - Paul Lewis
9.1.07 - Jamie
16.1.07 - Geoff
23.1.07 - Mark Abs
30.1.07 - Heath

That is one foot on the rung for you boys in the quest to be the first winner of the website man of the match award sponsored by Google.

Also to remind people that their is a Chinese night on 23.2.07, as Badge has enough of curry! Apparently half of the meal will be paid by the kitty kat. I know the popularity of this sight has reached all parts of the world, but this night out is only for the chosen few who play on a Tuesday night, sorry Claus.